I posted on LinkedIn that I don’t believe resilience training works, and most times it can give organisations the licence to continue piling things on to their employees. It definitely triggered people, so I decided to write a longer article to develop clarity.
There are many definitions of resilience, to me this is about having sufficient resources to meet the demands. Here are other examples:
- The ability to bounce back from a set back
- Mental toughness or grit
- Weathering adversity
- It is our response to a threat in a system (not something we have at will, it is an emergent property within us)
- Doing better than you think you are
- A way of acting and thinking better
What type of resilience are we referring to:
- Emotional
- Physical
- Psychological
- Community/System
Each of us has different tolerance levels and preferred methods of reacting. What I find stressful is what others might find enjoyable. We find that we need our resilience for different tasks and they will be unique to us.
What issue do I have with resilience?
This is most definitely a personal matter, people would describe me as ‘resilient’ or a ‘coper’ and to the point that it was unhealthy, and frankly damaging. I like to refer this to the ‘dark side’ of resilience.
Although there was no emotion on the outside, inside was a pools of it waiting to break through the dams I have created to contain it.
Talking about feelings, opening was a struggle for me and at times it can still be an issue for me, and on top of that I was rewarded and often recruited for my resilience. Organisations loved that I can work in complexity and generally thrive in a range of environments. It was at great personal cost, and it was internally exhausting and emotionally unhealthy.
I am in the process of seeking to integrate my emotions more, and acknowledging parts of myself that seek and want to be acknowledged. I have gotten here not through using my resilience, but through understanding, support of some amazing people, supervision and more. I could not do this alone, this is very much an effort WITH people.
My thoughts on organisations
It makes me think about why organisations are so afraid about dealing with the realities of the workplace, since when is it not OK, to be open about how your feel? Why are feelings considered not ‘professional’?
Feelings and emotions are energy, and I see resilience as a way to cover this up, set aside how you feel and keep going. Perhaps this is just me, but I don’t see this as an OK way of being in an organisation.
In certain situations I do see the value in setting our feelings aside, but doing it with love and acknowledgement is far more healthier than shoving them deep down taking a deep breath and getting on with it. I believe it’s important to find spaces in organisations where the talk of feelings are welcomed, valued, and recognise the conditions need to be right for this to be safe.
Talking about feelings can be extremely positive and wonderful, it can also be places where we are most vulnerable.
Although psychological safety is great for innovation and collaboration, it could be amazing for the organisations to access people’s feelings. I wonder, what it could do for our wellbeing and emotional health.
There is a huge amount of value placed on ‘thinking’ and ‘knowledge’ in the workplace and perhaps it is time to begin to shift this?
What would it be like if we focused more on understanding what gives us energy/resources us rather than what it means to be resilient? Focus on the what is energy giving rather than energy depleating. Being resilient is energy depleating!
Final thoughts
I stand by what I said and speak from my experience, I also know many people who have experienced what I have and have real issues accessing the emotions even when they want to.
All three of our faculties ‘thinking, doing and feeling’ are important and have a place in organisations as well as our private lives.
Resilience is useful, but when we are resilient we are often ‘squashing’ or containing something else, and for a time this is OK, but not for forever.
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